new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
