Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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