I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
