While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
