How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
