im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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