I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
