Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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