At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
