did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize