Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
