Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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