Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
