No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
