I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
