There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
