all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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