help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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