So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
