dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
