I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
