I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
