Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
