dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
