I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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