8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
