so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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