I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
