Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
