it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
