You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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