she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
