My cat gives me a boner
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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