Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize