Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
