I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
