Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
