There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize