Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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