I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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