Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
