Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
