You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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