What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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