We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
