"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize