You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
