You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize