In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
