Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
