No, drunk sperm still make babies.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
