The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
