people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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