the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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