sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
