i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
