idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
