Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
