Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
