Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my poor anus
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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