Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
