i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
MIDGETS
????
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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