At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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