hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
