Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
