My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
