If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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