just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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