"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
