So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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