The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
