Don't make out with my wife yet
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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