i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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